I think my least favorite thing about being a parent is life lesson moments. Today was a new one for us. Stealing. I was so sad and disappointed at 1st, but then I realized that we do things as children because we don't know the difference between right and wrong. That these moments are my opportunity to teach him the why behind his decision making. I think that is what scares me the most. How do I make sure I teach him the why correctly, make sure he understands, make sure he holds this moment in his mind forever, and never steals again.
He didn't swipe anything from a store like I did when I was 6 and took a pack of double bubble from the local Piggly Wiggly. He took a toy from a friend’s house. I know he knew it was wrong, but I don't think he really understood how wrong it was. We spent the day playing with some friends and when we had to leave I gave K a little kiss when we got in the car because I was so proud of what a good listener he had been today. I let him know how happy I was and he said he had a good day to. I think that is what made the realization that he had stolen something 15 minutes later so hard.
When we arrived at Target to get a few things on the way home he had a little car I didn't recognize in his hands. At 1st I thought it was a little mico machine or something that he found on the ground. But the second I noticed it he tried to get it back in his pocket, needless to say he knew he shouldn't have it. Once he gave it to me I knew exactly what it was. It was a mini transformer. He has a mini Bumblebee transformer, and this was Megatron. He had wanted a Megatron, but he hasn't saved enough money yet to buy it. (I know it sounds harsh to make a 4 year old pay for their own toy, but he is a pretty blessed kid and I want him to learn how hard it is to earn those dollars that buy all the wonderful things he has. He has more than he needs, and most of his wants, so I don't see anything wrong teaching him to save his quarters for little toys, although I have been told that this is a terrible thing). Anyway, I asked him where he got it and he didn't want to tell me. After several minutes of back and forth he finally admitted he got it from his friend’s house. The two boys had been "giving" things to each other all day so at first I wondered if maybe his friend hadn't told him that he could have it. He instantly said yes. That of course made me wonder. I let him know that it didn't matter if he took it, or his friend gave it to him that either way he was in trouble because he didn't ask me. I told him he would be in better shape if he told me the truth now then if I found out later. I don't think he really understood what I was asking so I asked him, if we go back to your friends and I ask him if he told you that you could take this toy home is he going to say yes? A few minutes later he told me no. That he took the toy because he had wanted one and that he was sorry he made me so sad. That he was sad too now because he knew he had hurt his friend. He then asked me if he was still going to get the movie I told him we were picking up when we went to target. Needless to say the answer was no, and he was pretty upset. He cried quietly to himself the rest of the shopping trip and then all the way back to his friends. I made him give to toy back to his friend in front of his parents and tell him he was sorry and that he hoped he could still come and play again. Our friends are great and they totally would never not allow us to come over because K put a transformer in his pocket, but they knew I was trying to get a point across and my friend T (the mom) turned it into a great learning lesson for all three kids and talked about why we don't take things from others, and then told K how proud she was of him for telling the truth and K's friend and T gave K a big hug before we left.
I hope this is the only time we have to tackle the stealing lesson. I know when I stole the gum, I never swiped anything again. To this day when I realize people missed ringing something up I take it back inside to pay for it. I will never forget having to tell the manager of that store I was sorry and how embarrassing it was. I hope this made a lasting impression on K. It still is one of those things that scare me the most about parenting. These are the moments that it is all on us. That we have to make sure to get the lessons across, to make sure that we are raising responsible people. I think my mom said it best when she told me "you are not raising children, you are raising adults". As crazy as that sounds to some people it really is true, we are raising adults. I just hope we are doing it right....
K and I said a little prayer tonight and he told God he was sorry which I thought was cute. He told me at bedtime he was still sad he didn't get his movie and that he is never going to take anything that isn't his again.
I wonder what tomorrow's challenge will be?
He didn't swipe anything from a store like I did when I was 6 and took a pack of double bubble from the local Piggly Wiggly. He took a toy from a friend’s house. I know he knew it was wrong, but I don't think he really understood how wrong it was. We spent the day playing with some friends and when we had to leave I gave K a little kiss when we got in the car because I was so proud of what a good listener he had been today. I let him know how happy I was and he said he had a good day to. I think that is what made the realization that he had stolen something 15 minutes later so hard.
When we arrived at Target to get a few things on the way home he had a little car I didn't recognize in his hands. At 1st I thought it was a little mico machine or something that he found on the ground. But the second I noticed it he tried to get it back in his pocket, needless to say he knew he shouldn't have it. Once he gave it to me I knew exactly what it was. It was a mini transformer. He has a mini Bumblebee transformer, and this was Megatron. He had wanted a Megatron, but he hasn't saved enough money yet to buy it. (I know it sounds harsh to make a 4 year old pay for their own toy, but he is a pretty blessed kid and I want him to learn how hard it is to earn those dollars that buy all the wonderful things he has. He has more than he needs, and most of his wants, so I don't see anything wrong teaching him to save his quarters for little toys, although I have been told that this is a terrible thing). Anyway, I asked him where he got it and he didn't want to tell me. After several minutes of back and forth he finally admitted he got it from his friend’s house. The two boys had been "giving" things to each other all day so at first I wondered if maybe his friend hadn't told him that he could have it. He instantly said yes. That of course made me wonder. I let him know that it didn't matter if he took it, or his friend gave it to him that either way he was in trouble because he didn't ask me. I told him he would be in better shape if he told me the truth now then if I found out later. I don't think he really understood what I was asking so I asked him, if we go back to your friends and I ask him if he told you that you could take this toy home is he going to say yes? A few minutes later he told me no. That he took the toy because he had wanted one and that he was sorry he made me so sad. That he was sad too now because he knew he had hurt his friend. He then asked me if he was still going to get the movie I told him we were picking up when we went to target. Needless to say the answer was no, and he was pretty upset. He cried quietly to himself the rest of the shopping trip and then all the way back to his friends. I made him give to toy back to his friend in front of his parents and tell him he was sorry and that he hoped he could still come and play again. Our friends are great and they totally would never not allow us to come over because K put a transformer in his pocket, but they knew I was trying to get a point across and my friend T (the mom) turned it into a great learning lesson for all three kids and talked about why we don't take things from others, and then told K how proud she was of him for telling the truth and K's friend and T gave K a big hug before we left.
I hope this is the only time we have to tackle the stealing lesson. I know when I stole the gum, I never swiped anything again. To this day when I realize people missed ringing something up I take it back inside to pay for it. I will never forget having to tell the manager of that store I was sorry and how embarrassing it was. I hope this made a lasting impression on K. It still is one of those things that scare me the most about parenting. These are the moments that it is all on us. That we have to make sure to get the lessons across, to make sure that we are raising responsible people. I think my mom said it best when she told me "you are not raising children, you are raising adults". As crazy as that sounds to some people it really is true, we are raising adults. I just hope we are doing it right....
K and I said a little prayer tonight and he told God he was sorry which I thought was cute. He told me at bedtime he was still sad he didn't get his movie and that he is never going to take anything that isn't his again.
I wonder what tomorrow's challenge will be?
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