25 minutes ago I celebrated New Years Eve. Me, the dogs, the fireworks outside, and my sleeping little boy curled up in his bed while Thomas the Train engine buzzed around the city with Sir Top 'am Hat played on his little DVD player.
As the ball dropped on NBC I was in the middle of Julie & Julia, quite frankly a wonderful movie. I hit the pause button as the fireworks grew louder and more frequent and walked to the back of the house, bent down and gave my new years kiss to the cutest boy in the world.
I almost cried.
I am not really sure why. My husband and I have spent 2 New Years together in 6 years, but for the past 3 I have kissed the same little man on the cheek and told the same little person I love them and Happy New Year. Each year he has changed so much there are no words. Thank God for pictures.
I don't know how many more years I will get to kiss the same little man on New
Years. I am sure one day far sooner then I will like, he will have friends or girlfriends, places to go and things to do. But for now, he will be my New Years kiss for as long as I can keep it that way.
May 2010 bless every family more so then 2009. May God be with you all. And my you find yourselves in a better place on the Eve of 2011 then you do today.
Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Midnight Snack
For those who weren't around for the 1st pregnancy, let me just say that things are following suit. Just like the 1st time, I am pretty much sick all day every day. Me and the porcelain white god have become close personal friends yet again. If I remember correcting for about 6 weeks of the 2nd trimester I was good, then it was right back to hugging the toilet.
That being said, I go much of the day without consuming a lot of food. With Kaje I lost about 5 lbs in the 1st Trimester, so far this time I have lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. I needed to lose weight anyway so I am not concerned about this and neither is the doctor. However the only time I seem to feel hungry or be able to eat is around 11 pm.
Last night everyone was in bed and had been for quite some time, when I looked at my husband and told him I wanted some chips and salsa, needless to say he told me I could make it myself. I got up and made myself a snack, sat down in the den to eat it and low and behold here comes Kaje. With a little smirk on his face, and wide awake. He was hungry two!
The two of us watched an episode of Roseanne on Nick at Night, ate some chips and salsa, re-brushed our teeth and tucked back in for the night. I think it is knowing the great moments you get to have with your kids that makes all the puking so worth it!
That being said, I go much of the day without consuming a lot of food. With Kaje I lost about 5 lbs in the 1st Trimester, so far this time I have lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. I needed to lose weight anyway so I am not concerned about this and neither is the doctor. However the only time I seem to feel hungry or be able to eat is around 11 pm.
Last night everyone was in bed and had been for quite some time, when I looked at my husband and told him I wanted some chips and salsa, needless to say he told me I could make it myself. I got up and made myself a snack, sat down in the den to eat it and low and behold here comes Kaje. With a little smirk on his face, and wide awake. He was hungry two!
The two of us watched an episode of Roseanne on Nick at Night, ate some chips and salsa, re-brushed our teeth and tucked back in for the night. I think it is knowing the great moments you get to have with your kids that makes all the puking so worth it!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Everything is OK!
Sorry it took so long to come back and write about what was going on. I really didn't want to write much because here at the house we really weren't talking about it. But here is the short version:
We found out we were expecting a little over a month ago. As a family we decided to only share the news with family. It seems lately so many people we know have suffered a lose and I hate that for everyone. Well, my 1st appt went well. But then the following day I had an ultrasounds that did not go so well. They found a gestational sac, but no baby. At the stage I was at that was ok to not see the fetal pole, but not ok that there was no yok sac present. My husband and I were of course very upset and with the exception of our parents and a few friends we kept it to ourselves. Well, I should have stayed off the Internet. That is where I discovered what is called a "blighted ovum" which is were you conceive, but the baby pass away very early in development but your body does not recognize it. It was a horrible feeling. To know that there really was a type of loss you could suffer that you still felt all the pregnancy symptoms. It made me even sadder for all of my friends I knew had suffered a loss as well because I could totally identify with what they were going through. The following Tuesday the Dr called and told me she felt it was not a viable pregnancy as well. I was set up for blood work and a follow up ultrasound. So that day and on Thanksgiving I went in for blood work. This Tuesday while checking in for my ultra sounds I received a call from the Dr about the blood work. The numbers were not positive. At that stage your hormone levels should double every 48 hrs. I only had a rise of 6000. Waiting for the ultrasounds was like impending dome. Thankfully my husband takes everything in stride and said no matter what we will have another baby, it just may not be in July.
We finally went back for the ultrasound. I couldn't really speak. I just laid there and let the tech do her thing. Like the last ultrasounds the tech was very quite and didn't say much. She then told me she was looking at my ovaries which is what the last tech did before she told me there was no baby. Then the tech dropped and lowered the screen and said "let me show you what I can see". I couldn't do it. I burst into tears on the table and looked away and asked if there was anything there, because if there wasn't I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to know that my body had done everything right but the baby hadn't made.
To my surprise she grab my hand and said "NO! Everything is fine! Why didn't you tell me you were worried I would have told you 1st off that the baby was there and we could see the heartbeat."
I was such a great feeling. I of course had an emotional break down on the table, but am thrilled that everything looks good and our family should be growing in July!
My heart is still with all those woman who the news is not as positive. Although things went ok, for days I just knew this wasn't it. It was a horrible feeling. I wish there was something I could do to make people feel better when they experience that loss. But I know that there isn't. Nothing anyone was telling me during those two weeks of wondering made me feel any better.
Well, that is the story. We of course are very excited things turned out ok. It will be one of those life experiences that will always keep those people in my prayers.
We found out we were expecting a little over a month ago. As a family we decided to only share the news with family. It seems lately so many people we know have suffered a lose and I hate that for everyone. Well, my 1st appt went well. But then the following day I had an ultrasounds that did not go so well. They found a gestational sac, but no baby. At the stage I was at that was ok to not see the fetal pole, but not ok that there was no yok sac present. My husband and I were of course very upset and with the exception of our parents and a few friends we kept it to ourselves. Well, I should have stayed off the Internet. That is where I discovered what is called a "blighted ovum" which is were you conceive, but the baby pass away very early in development but your body does not recognize it. It was a horrible feeling. To know that there really was a type of loss you could suffer that you still felt all the pregnancy symptoms. It made me even sadder for all of my friends I knew had suffered a loss as well because I could totally identify with what they were going through. The following Tuesday the Dr called and told me she felt it was not a viable pregnancy as well. I was set up for blood work and a follow up ultrasound. So that day and on Thanksgiving I went in for blood work. This Tuesday while checking in for my ultra sounds I received a call from the Dr about the blood work. The numbers were not positive. At that stage your hormone levels should double every 48 hrs. I only had a rise of 6000. Waiting for the ultrasounds was like impending dome. Thankfully my husband takes everything in stride and said no matter what we will have another baby, it just may not be in July.
We finally went back for the ultrasound. I couldn't really speak. I just laid there and let the tech do her thing. Like the last ultrasounds the tech was very quite and didn't say much. She then told me she was looking at my ovaries which is what the last tech did before she told me there was no baby. Then the tech dropped and lowered the screen and said "let me show you what I can see". I couldn't do it. I burst into tears on the table and looked away and asked if there was anything there, because if there wasn't I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to know that my body had done everything right but the baby hadn't made.
To my surprise she grab my hand and said "NO! Everything is fine! Why didn't you tell me you were worried I would have told you 1st off that the baby was there and we could see the heartbeat."
I was such a great feeling. I of course had an emotional break down on the table, but am thrilled that everything looks good and our family should be growing in July!
My heart is still with all those woman who the news is not as positive. Although things went ok, for days I just knew this wasn't it. It was a horrible feeling. I wish there was something I could do to make people feel better when they experience that loss. But I know that there isn't. Nothing anyone was telling me during those two weeks of wondering made me feel any better.
Well, that is the story. We of course are very excited things turned out ok. It will be one of those life experiences that will always keep those people in my prayers.
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