Sorry it took so long to come back and write about what was going on. I really didn't want to write much because here at the house we really weren't talking about it. But here is the short version:
We found out we were expecting a little over a month ago. As a family we decided to only share the news with family. It seems lately so many people we know have suffered a lose and I hate that for everyone. Well, my 1st appt went well. But then the following day I had an ultrasounds that did not go so well. They found a gestational sac, but no baby. At the stage I was at that was ok to not see the fetal pole, but not ok that there was no yok sac present. My husband and I were of course very upset and with the exception of our parents and a few friends we kept it to ourselves. Well, I should have stayed off the Internet. That is where I discovered what is called a "blighted ovum" which is were you conceive, but the baby pass away very early in development but your body does not recognize it. It was a horrible feeling. To know that there really was a type of loss you could suffer that you still felt all the pregnancy symptoms. It made me even sadder for all of my friends I knew had suffered a loss as well because I could totally identify with what they were going through. The following Tuesday the Dr called and told me she felt it was not a viable pregnancy as well. I was set up for blood work and a follow up ultrasound. So that day and on Thanksgiving I went in for blood work. This Tuesday while checking in for my ultra sounds I received a call from the Dr about the blood work. The numbers were not positive. At that stage your hormone levels should double every 48 hrs. I only had a rise of 6000. Waiting for the ultrasounds was like impending dome. Thankfully my husband takes everything in stride and said no matter what we will have another baby, it just may not be in July.
We finally went back for the ultrasound. I couldn't really speak. I just laid there and let the tech do her thing. Like the last ultrasounds the tech was very quite and didn't say much. She then told me she was looking at my ovaries which is what the last tech did before she told me there was no baby. Then the tech dropped and lowered the screen and said "let me show you what I can see". I couldn't do it. I burst into tears on the table and looked away and asked if there was anything there, because if there wasn't I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to know that my body had done everything right but the baby hadn't made.
To my surprise she grab my hand and said "NO! Everything is fine! Why didn't you tell me you were worried I would have told you 1st off that the baby was there and we could see the heartbeat."
I was such a great feeling. I of course had an emotional break down on the table, but am thrilled that everything looks good and our family should be growing in July!
My heart is still with all those woman who the news is not as positive. Although things went ok, for days I just knew this wasn't it. It was a horrible feeling. I wish there was something I could do to make people feel better when they experience that loss. But I know that there isn't. Nothing anyone was telling me during those two weeks of wondering made me feel any better.
Well, that is the story. We of course are very excited things turned out ok. It will be one of those life experiences that will always keep those people in my prayers.
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