If there is one thing that I have learned as a mother, it is that everyone has their opinion. I am one to talk! I probably have more opinions than just about anyone else I know! However, it seems to me that more people feel the “need” to share their opinion after you have a child.
I get that everyone “knows a trick” that always worked for their kids. Key word being their kids. Everyone child is different. Heck, my mother had 4 you would think she would know exactly what to do. I was 10 when my brother came along, and trust me, she didn’t always know exactly what to do even though she had already done in 3 times.
One of my best friends just had her first baby last week. Trust me, I worry about it her. Love her to death, but I worry about her a lot. She is kind of one of those people who you try to explain things to, but at the same time you know it goes in one ear and out the other. But, since you care about them you keep telling them anyway. That being said, I definitely still tell her my opinions and give her advice, but at the same time I know how stressful it is to be a new mom. Scared that everything you do is going to screw up your child for the rest of their life. That if they have food too soon they will be allergic, or if they have trouble with milk they will be lactose intolerant, or that if the pull up or stand on their feet when you are holding them they will be bow legged, and about a million other fears out there that every new mom experiences.
With all of the change with in your marriage, the addition of a new baby, all the new frustration and sleepless nights, why I ask, why does anyone feel that they have the right to tell a new mother what to do unless it is detrimental to the babies health and it is a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL telling you what to do?
My BF’s SIL (sister in law) is a b*tch. If they had an Olympic sport for b*tchyness she would win the gold medal every year. I have never cared for this woman. Not one bit! She knows everything! No one else knows how to do things, and the way she does them is the only way to do them. Well, I got news for her, after this past week she had better never run into me in a dark ally because I am sick of the way she makes my BF feel. BF is too sweet and non-confrontational to say anything, and unfortunately seems to be a trait she and her husband share so that poor little kid is going to be one of two things, either the same way they are, or exactly 180 degrees different which will be a major shocker!
BF’s baby is slightly jaundice. No big deal, no need for lights or anything, just a few extra Dr visits and some sitting in front of the window at home. Heck a little Vitamin D from the Sun light is good for everyone. Well, the poor little thing has lost over a pound since she was born, and her jaundice levels didn’t seem to be dropping as quickly as the pediatrician would like, so they asked my BF to supplement with formula. Now given the horrendous experience my hubby and I had in the hospital I was too stressed to breast feed and my son was supplemented with formula his whole 1st 6 months. I breast feed and he had formula just fine. I am a firm believer that breast feeding is what is best for your child, however it doesn't work for everyone and sometimes your child may need more food then you can produce. I actually feel as though nwe are lucky to have such a safe and wonderful option!
1 hour after getting home from the hospital with their new baby, my BF’s SIL and family show up. 1 hour people! They probably hadn’t even unloaded the car. BF went to the nursery to feed the baby and she did just as the Dr told her. She breast feed for 10-15 minutes and then pulled out some formula and made sure she drank at least an oz. You would have thought the world was coming to an end! Her SIL stormed out of the room and right up to her husband and told her what a terrible thing she was doing! How BF was going to ruin her child and that this was just a terrible terrible thing and he needed to make it stop! Remember, this is the same woman that opted to have a c-section both times…seems a little hypocritical doesn’t it? Forget the fact that the following day when they went into the Dr office the baby has gained 4 1/2 oz's and her jaundice levels seem to be going down. The pediatrician would like them to continue breast feeding and the formula, all the while the know-it-all SIL says "Well I disagree and think you 2 are making a big mistake!" Then she and her husband preceded to walk out to their vehicle and undo the car seat from the middle of the car and latch it up behind the drives seat! Now, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to know that this is not the best place for your child. A left side impact to the car could be devastating, so could a right side, which is why they tell you (and this is even in the instructions when you hook up a car seat) to put the rear facing car seat in the MIDDLE!!!! The SIL said that because she only have 4 latches in the back seat that she was only to set the child on one of the two sides. I found this very interesting seeing as I am the one who hooked up the car seat in the first place. I hooked it up the same way the Fire Chief in Virginia Beach Virginia hooked it into my truck, where I too only have 4 latches. I guess all of us out there who put 3 children in the back of SUV's are breaking the law becasuse there are only 4 latches in teh back seat, forget the fact that there are 3 child retraint ancors behind ever head rest for the forward facing car seat...which oh by the way would use the same latches in the seat! But I guess her SIL who is a stay at home mom, has recently graduated Med School and become a pediatrician as well as become a child safety seat inspector un be known to anyone.
Just as an FYI there is nothing wrong with offering a new mom advice. You never know, it may help. Just keep in mind that your advise should always be just that, advice. You should never scold someone or tell them they are “ruining” their child because what they decide to do is different from what you decide to do. Remember even Dr. Spock who everyone thought was the expert on raising children didn’t get everything right, which would be why no one reads his books anymore =) Being a parent is all about trial and error and their is already enough stress involved without your 2 cents!
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